Men should not be taken out in public on a trip to purchase undergarments with their wives. Bad things will happen. Unfunny things.
I went bra shopping today, and I took my husband with me. Generally, this isn't something I do. Bringing the husband along when I look for lacy unmentionables isn't high on his list of fun activities.
He wanted to know why I needed a new bra. I pulled my shirt up and showed him my bra.
"You see how the lace in the middle has runs in it?"
"Oh, yeah.... Wow, how old is it?"
"I bought it last week."
"No, I didn't. I'm hard on a bra but not that hard."
"What happens if the lace gives way?" he said, with a salacious look in his eyes.
"If this baby blows, someone could lose an eye."
"It would be like two airbags going off at the same time!"
At this point he's laughing his butt off, and I'm trying to stifle a giggle.
"Hey! That's mean!"
"Just think about it, though. The loss of life would be staggering!"
"That's not funny."
THE BIG REVEAL
Into the store we went, and I picked out a bra and several shirts and skirts.
When I went into the changing room, I picked the dressing room closest to the door because I wanted to come out and show him how things looked.
Quickly stripping off my shirt and bra, I reached for my bra-to-be.
"Wooohooo!" I heard my husband say from outside the dressing rooms.
"Ohmygosh! Can you see me?"
He could. I covered myself up and glared at him over the top of the door.
"How can you see me?"
"Those mirrors are set at 90-degree angles from each other, and looking into one, you can see the reflection through the other. Plus, I'm tall and I can see over the door."
"Argh! Go away!"
"Hey, it's not like I haven't seen it before."
OK, he had me there. I'm sure at some point in our 20 years together he's seen more of me than I have.
I told him to go away again, and he went off to find the restroom.
Another woman came into the dressing rooms. "Where did that guy go?"
"The tall, blond guy?"
"Yeah. Is he in here? Hellooooo?"
"That's my husband, and he went to the bathroom."
"Oh, good. I thought he was in here changing. I thought he was a cross-dresser or something."
I laughed, then told her she'd just made my day and that I couldn't wait to break the news to my better half that he gave the impression of being a cross-dresser.
"Oh, please don't tell him that!"
"I have to!"
"OK, but wait until you get outside, OK? I don't want him knowing I said that."
ENJOYING THE SHOW
So I waited, but just barely.
In a sing-song voice, I informed him that people thought he was a cross-dresser.
"People? What people?"
"The lady in the dressing room with me."
"That's hardly 'people.' That's one person, and why would she think I was a cross-dresser?"
"She saw you go down the hall to the dressing rooms and you didn't come out. She thought you were in there dressing."
"No, I was just enjoying the show."
"That's not funny!"
"You keep saying that a lot today."
Pamela Troeppl Kinnaird can be reached at email@example.com.