Nancy Weinbeck
I was recently reading about the “Vampire Problem,” a concept in philosophy whereby a person must choose between becoming a vampire or staying human. The choice is between undergoing a transformative experience or not. The problem is that the person can’t truly make a rational decision because the experience of becoming a vampire changes their entire reality that can’t be grasped or understood until they are actually a vampire.
Change is hard, and transformational change is harder. Making a rational decision in the face of a major life change can be next to impossible without the lived experience to inform that decision. Thinking about moving to a retirement community? Without the lived experience, how can one make that informed choice? Fear of the unknown is powerful, particularly when one is faced with leaving behind what is familiar and comfortable, especially as we age.
Like other transformative experiences, I’ve heard more than one Bayview resident share with me that their life changed in so many unexpected ways for the better. They never knew they had a knack for wine making, or watercolor painting, or writing, or the ability to make new meaningful friendships or even romantic relationships that occurred post-move.
Fear of what a move to a senior living community can be like is full of preconceived notions without being able to grasp the ways in which the actual experience can be life-changing for the better. Fear of losing independence may give way to the reality of gaining freedom from the burdens one faces when one is managing life on their own, without the support and friendships that enhance life in a senior living community.
To mitigate the “vampire problem” in this context, it can help to dip one’s toes into senior living waters without fully committing. For example, many communities (including Bayview) offer trial stays, meals with residents, opportunities to participate in programming, and more.
Despite the uncertainty that comes with this kind of transformative experience, being thoughtful of one’s own values and goals can help make a decision that aligns with what matters most to each individual despite the uncertainties that come from a lack of lived experience. Trial experiences, research, and self-reflection can get us closer to making an informed choice so that we can reach the best possible decision for our own lives.
Nancy Weinbeck is the CEO of Bayview in Queen Anne.