Respect-do we understand what this word means? More importantly, do our kids understand the meaning of respect?
I've been working with children and youth for quite a while now, and as each year goes, kids are exhibiting less and less respect, both for adults and each other.
Of course, any type of behavior depends on the situation, upbringing, personality, demeanor, along with many other contributing factors. Nevertheless, a transformation is occurring in the attitudes of the young, in their minds and their hearts. A change is taking place in the world around them, forcing them to adapt.
I know kids are perfectly capable of being respectful, as I've seen in my own as well as other families. Still, I am shocked by the numerous times I've witnessed youths being disrespectful, both to their peers and their elders.
Those in positions of mentoring and leadership vis-a-vis youth encounters many situations-often confrontations-where respect, or lack thereof, becomes an issue. If kids perceive that someone is being unfair to them in some way; if someone is trying to "force" them to do something or not do something and they realize they can't get their way but don't understand why; then they often will react in a disrespectful manner.
Understandably, a youth's mind is not fully wired to handle all of the difficult, abstract thinking required to comprehend why certain of their actions may be wrong or inappropriate; the process of growing up, in a sense, is the struggle for such answers.
I recently overheard a teen guy say something degrading about a teenage girl. I immediately spoke up, letting him know that what he said was inappropriate, and that he shouldn't say things like that.
But before I could explain my reasoning, the young man yelled "What is your problem with me? Do you not like me or something?" I explained myself as best I could, letting him know that I was admonishing his behavior and not his personality. Now, ever since our conversation, he has been very respectful toward me as well others.
Dealing with disrespect is no fun-especially when you are not the kid's parent. We who work with youth do the best we can to guide them in a positive way. It can be difficult, however, to step in as a leader if we are not working in tandem with parents. There needs to be clear communication between parents and anyone who works with youth.
One of the foremost reasons for the growing lack of respectful behavior among youth is, I believe, a lack of discipline. By this I do not mean punishing a child all the time, which may exacerbate bad behavior. What's required is setting, and enforcing, clear rules. We must identify what types of behaviors require which consequences or rewards, and then stick to our responses. We also must communicate with others who work with kids and teens, to make sure they know the rules and expected behaviors for each child.
Households where both parents work are more common now than in the past. In such instances, children often are left in the care of others-teachers, nannies, other parents-and so a multitude of other people are involved in the process of raising the children.
Parents' attitude toward discipline in recent years has grown quite passive and lax. In order to not stifle or abuse children in any way, many adults have become increasingly lenient in their parenting. Many kids figure this out, and they realize they can get away with certain behaviors and actions with little consequence. I see this all too often.
We need to think hard and long about the behavior of our kids, about the ways they are reacting to their peers and their elders. What are we doing to raise and nurture respectful young men and women? We need to get over our fear of disciplining our children, and learn to love and care for them in the way they need to be loved and cared for.
One way to love them is to give them clear boundaries and set expectations, and to back that up with gentle but firm discipline. Discipline is an act of love, not anger, and youth will come to realize and understand that-even if they don't understand it fully now.
Ashley Marshall works as a teen mentor at the Magnolia Community Center. She can be reached at mageditor@nwlink.com.[[In-content Ad]]
