Sappy, predictable and boring. These are the words that sum up Julie Anne Robinson's newest film "The Last Song," based on the book by celebrated author Nicholas Sparks, who co-wrote the screenplay.
Fifteen-year-old Ronnie Miller (Miley Cyrus) and her younger brother, Jonah (Bobby Coleman), are shipped off to a small beach town in Georgia where their dad, Steve Miller (Greg Kinnear), lives. Ronnie and Steve don't exactly get along but her mother thinks this will be a good opportunity for them to reconnect.
This will take some doing as Ronnie's grades are in the toilet and she's a thief. Her one redeeming quality: she's incredibly talented at the piano. That said, the first 20 or so minutes of the film are spent watching Ronnie and her dad arguing until Ronnie storms off.
However, the bad-girl attitude goes away once Ronnie meets a one-dimensional stud named Will Blakely (Liam Itemsworth). Will has the perfect blonde hair, the perfect body, traditional snooty rich parents and oh!, he works at the aquarium helping animals.
In fact, all the boys and girls in the entire town are one-dimensional and beautiful, even the town jerk, Marcus (Nick Lashaway). Why couldn't there be at least one ugly person, or someone representing most of the rest of the human race? I guess that's not Spark's style.
Within a matter of days, or a matter of minutes in the film, Ronnie and Will are off frolicking in the water, playing in a fish tank at the aquarium, blowing underwater kisses at each other and a whole bunch of other typical cheesy, romantic movie scenes.
Probably the dumbest scene in the entire film is when Will and his fellow perfect-teethed buddies compete in a beach volleyball tournament. The whole time I was wondering what the point of this volleyball scene was. It didn't move the story nor did its outcome affect anyone or anything. I assume it was just an excuse for the guys to show their studly bodies without shirts.
Of course, it's just not a Nicholas Sparks story if there's no tragedy. Ronnie's dad is sick, and then the contrived story soars into the Hallmark Zone.
Cyrus was unconvincing. Greg Kinnear was the best part of the film-if only there had been more of him. Unfortunately, Greg Kinnear wasn't enough to save "The Last Song."
The "Last Song" opens this weekend at most theaters.
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