Is there anything worse than working on plumbing? I think not.
Given a choice between working on plumbing and undergoing a root canal, bring on the Novocain.
Electrical stuff around the house is all pretty standard-two wires in most cases, a hot wire and a return, and maybe a green ground wire. A three way switch-uation is more challenging, but it's manageable.
When you go to buy a new switch, or plug, while you have a variety of designs, the manufacturers have standardized on what you need-one screw for the hot wire, and one for the cold.
Carpentry is the same. If you are demented enough to tear into your wall, you'll find the same thing wherever you go: studs on 16-inch centers, two-by-four construction, drywall over the framing, etc. A quick afternoon class at Lowe's or Home Depot, and you're off and running on your project.
Not so with plumbing. The simplest job-say, replacing the washers in a kitchen or bathroom faucet-becomes a hunt for the Holy Grail. You will need a full tank of gas in the car, plus an extensive vocabulary of profanities.
For instance, look at the array of faucet stems available to you in the stores. You'll find Grohe, American Standard (talk about an oxymoron) Porcher, Toto, Moen, Price Pfister (do you pronounce the P?), Kohler, Hansgrohe (related to Grohe?)-the list goes on. And they all have their "proprietary design." In other words, you have zero chance of finding interchangeable parts. Assuming you know what brand faucet you have, many, once out of the box, are unidentifiable.
Off to the store to get a washer, but you don't know which one you need. You have the old one, but it's so compressed and disintegrated that you can only find one that sort of looks like it.
To be safe, you buy the little plastic bag full of different sizes and colors of washers-one will certainly fit. I may have the world's largest collection of small rubber washers.
My latest adventure in plumbing entailed a simple shut-off valve under the kitchen sink-between the hot water line and our hand sprayer, so we could control the pressure of the spray. It seems that, although they have these cute little handles on the nozzle, they are either on or off, creating pressure equivalent to the Seattle Center fountain and covering almost the same area with back-spray.
I have a pretty simple connection below the sink. All I needed was a small valve, needle valve or the like, with a 3/8th-inch male thread on each end.
Does the term "fat chance" ring a bell? They had them with 3/8 on one end, but 1/2 or 5/8 inch on the other, meaning that I'd have to buy reducers, and couplers, and who knows what else.
I stopped by Magnolia Hardware-great little store, small inventory. I dropped by Builder's Supply, even though I knew plumbing wasn't their forte. Nada. Next I headed to the hardware store on Nickerson. They're usually a good bet for what I need, but not this day.
So on to Morgan's on 15th. Now that is a serious plumbing store, and they had every kind of valve known to man-except, of course, the size I needed. They suggested an appliance store, but then suggested Tacoma Screw on Leary. The guy at Morgan's was sure they would have what I needed.
I was curious about the store, having driven by. It's a great place, full of testosterone-elevating tools and parts, but not what I needed. Tacoma suggested I head down 45th, past the Fred Meyer, to a store whose name I don't recall and never did find among all the ship builders and warehouses.
Finally, I thought of my old standby, Seattle Fishing and Marine Supply on West Commodore. After being pointed to a needle valve that the clerk thought cost "around $8," but actually cost $43, I found a valve lacking panache, and a couple of fittings that would work.
Back home, it looks a little like a boat under the sink, but what the heck, it works, and it only took me about three hours, a skinned knuckle or two and perhaps a quarter tank of gas to complete my "simple" task.
If there's someone out there who's young, ambitious and possessing mechanical aptitude, I'm convinced there's a Nobel Prize to be won if you can get the plumbing industry to standardize on hardware and installation procedures.
Mike Davis is a freelance writer living in Magnolia.[[In-content Ad]]
