We can only imagine what would be the two-letter Postal Service abbreviation for the State of Eastern Washington: "EW." We already know that's what many political leaders in Olympia think of the idea. Their general consensus is somewhere between "improbable" and "laughable."
A handful of Republican state legislators went public with the proposal in late January, following the ultra-narrow defeat of GOP gubernatorial candidate Dino Rossi. The apparent idea: If a Republican (even a moderate, sane Republican like Rossi) can't get elected governor in this state, why not just carve out a new state where Republicans would be bound to win?
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In the division of assets, I think the best deal would usually go to what the late author Bill Speidel called the "wet side of the mountains."
We'd get the U-Dub, Seattle U and Evergreen. They'd get Wazzu and Gonzaga.
We'd get Boeing, or what's left of it. They'd get Kaiser Aluminum, or what's left of it.
We'd get the wineries and the microbreweries. They'd get the grapes and the hops.
We'd get the software industry. They'd get the Hanford cleanup industry.
We'd get the White River Ampitheater. They'd get The Gorge.
We'd get Bumbershoot. They'd get the Ellensburg Rodeo.
We'd get Almond Roca. They'd get Aplets and Cotlets.
We'd get the Space Needle. They'd get the giant Lava Lamp proposed for Soap Lake.
We'd get the Pike Place Market. They'd get Tiny's Fruit Stand in Cashmere.
We'd get the Capitol Hill gay scene. They'd get some developers who want to start a gay-bar district from scratch in Spokane.
We'd each get one hydroplane race.
We'd get the orcas. They'd get the rattlesnakes.
We'd get the Sound, the islands, the green hills and the mild winters. They'd get that cool Stonehenge replica at Maryhill.
We'd get the rain (except in years like this one). They'd get the snow (except in years like this one).
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There's another side effect to the EW movement. The State of Eastern Washington (or whatever it'd be called) would be entitled to its own two U.S. senators, and its own Electoral College votes. Guess what party would likely win THOSE elections?
But this side effect is precisely why I, your basic ultimate Seattle progressive, wouldn't mind the statial divorce.
You see, the last presidential election wasn't really divided between "red states" (which EW presumably would be) and "blue states" (which we are). It was divided between Demo-leaning urban and suburban areas vs. Repo-leaning exurban and rural areas. In states where urban populations dominate, Kerry got the electoral votes. In states where rural populations dominate, Bush got them.
And because each state's electoral vote tally equals its number of House of Representatives votes plus two, the smaller, more rightward-tilting states have a disproportionate influence on the presidency. And because every state gets the same number of U.S. senators, Wyoming has as big a say in the federal upper chamber as New York.
But what if, say, NYC could split off from Buffalo? If Chicago could divorce Des Plaines? If Philly could break away from Wilkes-Barre? Cleveland from Xenia? Portland from Pendleton? Not to mention all the substates that could be carved out from California, or statehood for the District of Columbia.
One could imagine as many as a dozen new states. This would mean, among other things, a healthy new industry in flag and map making. (Especially if we mandate that all flags to be used in government buildings be U.S.-made.) The U.S. mint would get to promote another batch of state-specific quarters. School kids would have to memorize a longer list of state capitals; but the discipline would be good for 'em.
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But back to Eastern Washington. What about the secessionists' ostensible justifications for their scheme?
It's true that EW's political and economic issues are somewhat different from those of WW (Western Washington). EW's less directly impacted by seaports, mass transit and subsidized stadiums. It's more directly affected by laws concerning agriculture and traditional industry.
But everybody needs good schools, good health care, good roads, good jobs, freedom from discrimination, clean air and water and legal and social justice. Those things are most of what state governments do. Washington state does a pretty good job at most of these things-not perfect, but usually at least adequate. Starting whole new bureaucracies can bog down this work in administrative stumblings.
We've seen this, on a smaller scale, in suburban King County's new cities, So the real reason for an EW secession is political. I say let the conservatives get their own sub-states, just as long as liberals can, too. It'd only be fair.
Though expecting conservatives to play fair might be as improbable as splitting up states.
Freelance writer Clark Humphrey lives on Capitol Hill. His column appears in the first issue of each month. His Web site is www.miscmedia.com.
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