Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, go through large portions of our days sometimes bemused, but more often confused, by the actions of our fellow citizens. Jean-Paul Sartre, the famed, troll-like French novelist, playwright and philosopher, said once: "Hell is other people."
I have known a couple of the hellish folk, but in general, for me, "What for?" is other people
Those phones
What for do people answer their cell phones on a crowded bus and then spray out all their personal crap in a loud voice?
Firstly, if you've just left work, you shouldn't need to talk to a co-worker. Secondly, if you called home before you left work, you need not be checking in yet again. And thirdly, you should not be detailing your date from last night with a gal pal while 40 of us are forced to listen to your inanities.
In the five years and change since I returned to Seattle from Hawaii, I have listened in to more than 500 alleged conversations I had no interest in.
Unless you are making plans for the current evening, leave your phone off. And if you must display your hearty stupidity, try doing it in a soft, sibilant voice. Or God forbid, try so hard you burst your little brain and say something interesting. Dare ya!
While driving
In a related matter, what for do people talk on their cell phone while driving?
Study after study shows more car wrecks for multitasking talkers. And I've been in some local crosswalks, with the light, when cell phoners breezed through a red and almost got me because they were distracted by Ethel's recounting of last night's "The Biggest Loser."
In general, the cell phoners don't get their panties in a twist when I curse them out for almost killing me. That's usually the self-important, in-a-hurry-to-rush-up-Broadway, overweight SUVers who just don't have time to interrupt their busy lives for little old walking me.
I'm sure there's an exception out there, but so far each and every one of these yoyos has sported an obscene gesture and fled when invited out from behind the wheel. Everyone you nearly kill may not be a liberal jerk like me. As I'm sure Mr. T. would agree, I'll just say it: "You ain't all that big a deal. Pay attention, when you're drivin', fool!"
Name game
On the political front, what for do you all keep calling the current occupant of the White House a conservative? He ain't. He spends government water like money. He just doesn't spend it on poor and deserving folks. He spends it on his bogus, self-created War on Terror and on giant, already-rich corporations.
Once again, your little buddy has re-vetoed a bill that would have expanded medical coverage for children of the lower-middle class, while floating feelers for yet another billion-dollar war on Muslims. George Bush Senior was moderately conservative; Barry Goldwater was a true conservative. The current occupant is an economic wastrel (with other people's money). If you agree with his insane policies on war, economics and religious matters, say that. But don't call him a conservative. The ghost of Edmund Burke doesn't deserve such abuse.
About that ex...
What for do otherwise moderate and normal folks demonize their recent exes from the field of love? Does it never occur to you, as you spew on mutual acquaintances all about his or her faults, that you spent 10 months or 10 years with this person? If he was a compulsive womanizer, what for did you stay so long? If she did spend all your money without ever leaving the couch, except to shop; and if she did withhold sex for months at a time, what for did you stay for?
I have only two exes, out of a dozen or so over the years, I don't talk to. And I don't talk to them because of what they did during the breakup, not what they did the entire time I was with them. When you badmouth your ex, you are really telling a whole lot about yourself to others. Unless your ex held you at gunpoint, a simple "We grew apart" suffices. Especially on first dates, for God's sake. No one really cares.
Dennis Wilken writes periodically in the Capitol Hill Times. Reach him at editor@capitolhilltimes.com.
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