Having a stroke is one of the leading causes of disability among adults in the United States. It is often sudden and life-changing for both the patient and the patient’s family.
Strokes affect people at any age and in many different ways. Some common impairments that result from strokes are aphasia (difficulty communicating), pain, weakness on one side, difficulty swallowing and mobility issues.
When a stroke affects a family with young children, it is particularly difficult to balance the needs of the stoke victim, the children and the caregiver.
“I wasn’t expecting to become a caregiver to my 45-year-old husband, but that is what happened. He is ready to come home soon. However, he can no longer do many of things he used to.
Our children are 7 and 9. Do you have any advice for preparing them and involving them in caregiving?”
I think it is natural to want to include your children in your husband’s rehabilitation. There is not much research on children as caregivers, and I would strongly recommend that you speak with a child psychologist or a social worker about your particular situation.
Children are generally sensitive to changes in the household, and a disabled parent is a big change that may be very stressful for them. Be sure you talk with your children about what happened and about what to expect when their dad gets home. Help them to understand what might be different and why; talk about the changes they may notice and the feelings that they might experience. Be sure they know that they can come to you with those emotions.
Beneficial activities
Be very careful not to include your children in caregiving to such a degree that they feel responsible for their father’s care. Let them help in informal ways with things that are a natural part of their day. Include age-appropriate activities they normally enjoy, like playing a game, going for a walk, playing music or throwing a ball.
Here are few suggestions that may benefit your husband’s rehabilitation without feeling burdensome to your children:
•Sing-a-longs — Have them sing songs with your husband. There is some evidence that singing or the rhythm of song may aid in recovery from aphasia.
•Games — Play catch with a Nerf ball or other simple games.
Check with your husband’s physical therapist for more ideas of what kind of movements might be helpful to strengthen his weak side.
•Food — Your children may help prepare snacks or simple meals, serve food or even plan a menu. (Of course, adult supervision is required, especially if your husband has limited mobility.)
•Reading — Your children can practice their skills by reading books or the newspaper to their father and having a conversation about what they read. Using props and pictures during the reading may be helpful.
Remind them to speak slowly and clearly. This may not only help rebuild your husband’s verbal comprehension skills but offers your children one-on-one time with him.
•Exercise — People who have had one stroke are at higher risk of having another, and exercise helps prevent strokes. Perhaps your children could take a walk with him, enjoy the park together or go swimming. (Again, check with your husband’s physical therapist for suggestions.)
Difficulties coping
Watch for signs that your children are having difficulties coping with the new situation. Self-isolating behaviors like spending more and more time alone in their rooms or refusing social invitation that they would normally accept, may be signs that they are feeling overwhelmed.
In short, children need to be children — be sure that they get the attention they need. This may mean bringing in family, friends or professionals to help with your husband’s care so that you have more time for your children.
Let them see that dad is still dad, that they are still the children and you are still the parents and, perhaps most importantly, that both you and your husband are there for them.
Magnolia resident Marla Beck is the founder and president of Andelcare, Inc.
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