Earlier this year, "Brittney" announced her engagement. Brittney has dated for at least 18 years - half her life. She's been disappointed, but Brittney still holds fast to that Barbie ideal of childhood: of home, husband and children - in that order.
She acquired the first alone, and a growing anxiety over gaining the second and third led her to seek dates on-line.
Happily, he appears to value Brittney's too-often-underappreciated qualities. In fact, the couple is thrilled with each other, but they agreed on a long engagement so he can relocate to Seattle and they can prepare for what they both acknowledge is a serious lifetime commitment.
As Brittney relished her long-awaited happiness, her aunt reacted with a comment as welcomed as an icy, wet, wool blanket: "Why can't you meet a nice, American man?"
NOT ALONE
Brittney hasn't sat back for the last 18 years, snubbing her nose at eligible local suitors -her aunt knows this. So why say such a thing?
Another friend, "Samantha," hears similar comments. Samantha has been dating for 30 years and been sober for the last 20. As she seeks her other half, she combats the urge to throttle those who say, "Why can't you just meet a nice man already and settle down?"
Samantha looks. She has looked, and she will look. She wants to marry and have someone share her truly vibrant life - honestly. But maybe she doesn't want a nice man.
Nice guys bore Samantha silly. She wants someone talented, energetic and brilliant - someone who (no offense, nice guys) challenges her and the world.
However, the brilliant, talented men she's dated have each revealed deep-seated, self-involved, narcissistic tendencies. The nice guys Samantha has dated left her yawning and underwhelmed. Should she marry one anyway, just 'cause someone said so?
LEFT TO WONDER
In the dark hours, all singles wonder what it is that has left us unable to find someone. These comments - I tend to get the needling variation of "Why are you so picky?" - don't help.
Neither Brittney nor Samantha nor any of the singles I've met should settle for less than someone they find fabulous. OK, so maybe I hope a few of my exes find the pushover woman of their dreams and discover what a nightmare that would really be.
We deserve someone who knows how wonderful we are, and I believe Brittney found one - Canadian though he may be.
While I keep hunting for my nice guy (though maybe not marshmallow-sweet) and Samantha seeks his slightly-less-than-evil twin, we both hope to block out the unhelpful - and sometimes harmful - voices of those who've lost all sense of tact.
SHARE YOUR COMMENTS
If you've heard a stupider thing said to a single person who has finally found someone - or not - than "Why can't you just find someone else?" I'd love to hear it.
As I compile my top-five stupidest comments, this sits near the top. But the final count isn't done yet. Please share.
Sofia lives in North Seattle. She can be reached at needitor@nwlink.com[[In-content Ad]]
