I've been working on a term paper for one of my classes for school, Child Abuse & Neglect. The topic I have chosen for this particular paper is corporal punishment. There has been much debate over the use of corporal punishment, whether it is abusive or effective.
I'm also in another class, Parent-Child Relationships, which relates in many ways to my other class, and particularly my research topic.
As I've been conducting research for this paper, in the hope of creating a thoughtful debate between the two stances on the matter, I have been shocked by how incredibly biased most of the research is. Some of it is objective, but most of it (for either position) is slanted simply to prove the point of the researchers.
Then there are the articles written by others, who may be experts in some field (psychologists, social workers, etc.) who write of their opinions, and then back them up with the same subjective research I've been finding.
Even in my textbooks, authors take a clearly biased stance on many issues, including corporal punishment. This alone has led me to question the validity of what schools are teaching, along with what researchers are "finding." This makes me wonder: what sources are parents seeking out to help them in their parenting? Are these sources objectively backed up with solid research or proven effectiveness?
I am not, it must be said, here to present or argue my current opinion on corporal punishment. Through my frustration and analysis of different views and research, I've been led to a conclusion that I think is the only answer for the whole debate.
The question is not whether corporal punishment is good or bad. The question is: how are parents raising their children? There is now a strong focus on discipline-what is the best way to discipline children (and adolescents)?
It may be best to focus instead on what values and morals parents are instilling in their children; if they spend quality time with their kids; show them affection; and encourage their involvement in positive activities. Some of the research I've found asks parents how many times they've punished their children in a given time period. If parents are truly involved in their kid's lives, will they need a lot of punishment?
Don't get me wrong, I am in no way suggesting that discipline should not be used. In fact, for many kids and teens, I think it could be enforced a lot more.
I believe, however, that if there is mutual respect between parents and their children, those children might be more willing to obey a parent's wishes, as long as the parent is not abusing their authoritative rights.
No child is perfect, and they will mess up from time to time, as well as showing a rebellious side. This also depends on the circumstances and environment at home, a child's disposition and temperament and a parent's temperament as well.
There are also outside influences that contribute as well to the behavior of everyone in the family. There are so many circumstances and situations, and different people involved, that I know there is no one way to parent any given child.
My parents parented my younger sister and me somewhat differently. We had the same rules and expectations (no lying, no hitting, doing chores, etc.), but we responded to punishments, as well as love and affection, differently.
This remained the same through high school. Today my mom will admit she is not the perfect parent, but I know that she did her best to adjust her parenting for what each of us needed most. I know most parents feel this way as well; they want to do what's best for each child.
So when it comes to the question of "to spank or not to spank," and parenting in general, don't get caught up in the hype of situations. Of course, do some research, talk to experts, look at history, talk to other parents who have already raised children, seek out all the resources that can be found.
But don't be a sponge and accept all of it, and don't let the first three things you read or hear be set in stone; challenge every opinion, and see what the best ideas actually are. Taking this knowledge into parenting, and then tailoring it for each child, will be incredibly beneficial.
Ashley Marshall works as a teen mentor at the Magnolia Community Center. She can be reached by email at the address mageditor@nwlink.com.[[In-content Ad]]
