Parenting is nothing new. Ever since the beginning of humanity, people have had children and become parents, and their children after them have continued the cycle by having their own kids and becoming parents themselves. As history has unfolded, society has shifted and evolved, creating new situations, inventions and expectations that alter the rules of parenting.
For better or for worse, each new batch of parents face obstacles and questions their parents before them might not have even dreamed about. But likewise, every generation also has the added benefits of modernity that relieve them of some of the parenting pressures of the past.
So who got the better end of the deal? Parents today, with the luxuries of modernity, or their parents, who brought them up in a more "simple time"? And for that matter, what does it really mean to be a parent today, especially in an urban center like Seattle?
Heidi McNulty, mother of three young boys, looks back on her childhood on Bainbridge Island and fondly remembers playing at neighborhood parks on her own when she was 7 or 8. "Everyone knew everyone," McNulty said. "It was no big deal." However, she recognizes that she couldn't do the same thing with her sons today, especially not in a big city such as Seattle.
"Children are under much more direct supervision of their parents than a generation ago," said Jan Faull, a parenting specialist who taught parent education for 25 years and writes a parenting column for the Seattle Times. Faull, who has three children who have now grown up and moved on to have their own children, laments the loss of childhood independence that comes with safety issues. While she recognizes that times have changed, she still thinks it is important to allow children to test their strengths by sending them out on their own from time to time, especially after age 10.
"For parents to be constantly with their children isn't serving the best interest of either party," she said.
Although a big city such as Seattle increases discussion over safety, it also provides opportunities that are lost in a smaller community.
Isabel (an Internet pseudonym used for privacy reasons), writes a blog called "Hola, Isabel" about raising her son in Seattle as part of a coalition of women who share their parenting blogs on Seattlemomblogs.com. Growing up in a small town, Isabel felt very sheltered by her surroundings and wanted a different experience for her son, who is now four.
"We are excited about our son being raised in a city and being raised by a lot of different cultures and races," Isabel said, speaking for herself and her husband.
When Isabel first came to Seattle, she realized she had missed out on some coming-of-age activities by growing up in a small town. "We want our son to know how to ride a bus," she said. "It teaches you independence and how to take care of yourself."
Isabel was excited to see that the daycare her son goes to isn't made up of only one type of person, but full of children of different races, religions and upbringings. Isabel also recognizes the downsides to a big city. "We don't even have a yard here [in Seattle]. I can't just send him outside to play," she said.
Simmone Misra, mother of an 11-year-old boy and 22-year-old girl, grew up in India, and although she enjoys the opportunities America offers her children, she misses aspects of life that were common for her while she was growing up.
"In India, when we grew up, we were really raised by a village," she said. "I think multigenerational influences are very important, and that is one thing I miss in today's infrastructure in America." Without interactions with people of all ages, Misra thinks the "child is not getting a multi-dimensional view of life." She encourages her son to interact with neighbors and children of different ages than himself to gain a broader perspective and develop "a deeper sense of life and empathy for other people."
Technology Trends:
As society has evolved, so too has technology, providing children with new and exciting toys, trinkets and tools, and parents with the task of navigating those inventions. Misra thinks technology and the access it provides to information is the most prominent departure for parents today in comparison to what it was like for their parents.
"Parents have to really think about what is right or what is wrong because there is no role model for us. We cannot follow the rules of our parents to be successful so we really have to build new rules," Misra said.
Technology provides an access to information that has dramatically altered the parenting landscape. "Parenting is more difficult, complex and sophisticated now," Misra said. "Parenting cannot be about, 'Well I told you so, that's why.' Kids wont accept that now."
McNulty thinks that with along technological innovation has come a heavier emphasis on material goods.
"It is hard to focus on what is really important in life when left and right you are being pummeled with 'you need this, you need that,'" she said. "Technology presents a challenge in parenting that my parents didn't have." But although sometimes a challenge, she recognizes it can also make life easier.
When her 6-year-old son gets sick at school, she can be easily reached on her cell phone. She can coordinate carpools and activities in ways her parents never could have because of technology and time itself.
"For every con of technology, there is also probably an alternative, where if you play our cards right, you might get to see your kids more and be more present," she said. "It is a matter of how you use it."
Money Matters
Technological development isn't the only "new" issue for parents. The topic Faull has been asked to speak on time and time again in the past several years is called "resisting children who feel entitled."
"Kids somehow are getting the idea that they are entitled to whatever they want," she said. "There is this overriding idea [for kids today] that they should just be able to get whatever it is that they want without having to work for it."
For McNulty and her husband, making sure their children develop a work ethic is very important and serves as one way to lead their children away from entitlement, but she recognizes that things have changed a great deal from when she was a kid.
"I had chores, all my friends had chores, it was just what you did," she said. But she sees that less and less frequently among other parents these days. McNulty has her sons participate in household by helping with various chores, such as mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage and emptying the dishwasher. She thinks it is important for children to recognize that not only are they part of a family in which they need to participate, but that they are also part of a much bigger world. However, even by encouraging a work ethic and teaching her children that they have to work for the things they want, she still sees why entitlement is such a struggle.
"I want to give my children opportunities and give them advantages, but I also want them to be grateful and not think money grows on trees," she said. "It is a difficult balance to strike."
Sometimes this means saying no to your children, which most parents will tell you is no easy feat.
"It is tough to say no to your kid. It is tough to stick to your guns. But it makes things so much more fun down the road and it makes them happier."
Among changes in the parenting landscape, Misra thinks that the role of money has become more significant than a generation ago. "I think money is playing a bigger role and many good values are eroding because of the way people live and go about doing everyday activities," she said. "Neighborly kindness and community are disappearing."
This provides a whole new slew of concerns for parents in terms of teaching their children about money. McNulty thinks that, although some people think it uncouth, it is important to teach children about money so they understand it as they grow up. "Childhood is a fun and wonderful time, but it is also about preparing children for adulthood."
The Next Generation
With all the new and old challenges that come with the territory of parenthood, the main element of it all remains the same: parents want the best for their children and for their children to grow up equipped to live in today's world.
"We want our son to be a good person who is nice to everyone," Isabel said. Misra agrees, and expects her children to show kindness and compassion to all people.
With three young kids (her oldest son is 6, the youngest is 13 months), McNulty is currently focusing on getting her children to be kind and respectful to each other and their parents. "As they go out into the bigger world, that will translate," she said. More importantly, McNulty wants to make sure her children are not "just looking out for No. 1." She wants to make sure they know that not only are they a part of a family, but "we want our kids to know they are part of a bigger world. We want them to be contributors and feel good about what they do and how they do it."[[In-content Ad]]
