There's a pretty fair chance that at some point, I'm going to kill myself. And when I do, it's none of the government's business.Opponents of Initiative 1000 (this November's "Death With Dignity" initiative) are cloaking their basic, essentially religious concerns about suicide in scare tactics over a potential for abuse which, in 10 years of Oregon's experience with assisted suicide for the terminally ill, simply hasn't happened. They're also playing with our culture's irrational fear and avoidance of any discussion of death (the one thing everyone has in common). Their real interest is that they consider suicide immoral under any circumstances, which is fine. I don't care whether they kill themselves; it's not my decision. When and if I kill myself - since it doesn't harm them (and since we live in a secular society) - it is also none of their business. They have no right to impose their spiritual beliefs on me. They also don't know what the heck they're talking about, because they're, by and large, not terminally ill. I am.MY LIFE, MY DEATHIn March 1991, I was diagnosed with a terminal disease (end-stage renal disease, a fancy name for total kidney failure) and given a year or two to live.As it developed, I was able to stretch out my time on the planet to 1994, when I received a double-organ transplant (a pre-owned kidney and pancreas, courtesy of an 18-year-old who didn't believe in motorcycle-helmet laws). My insurance company fought authorizing the surgery for a couple of years, on the grounds that it was experimental, in the probable hope that I'd die first so that they wouldn't need to pay for the surgery and the even-more-expensive after-care. They almost succeeded. I fell into a coma three separate times in 1993; by the time the transplant was approved, I was considered too sick to receive it. It took another eight months of nursing me to the point where I was strong enough to endure the 10-hour surgery. All through that three-year ordeal, I had plans in place to kill myself if I reached a point of no return; I still do. I had and still have no interest in living my days out as a vegetable in intractable pain, with zero quality of life. Been there, done that; it's not a life I find fit for living. That's my personal decision, my right, and I'm going to do what I'm going to do regardless of what any government or other self-appointed moral arbiters think of it.INITIATIVE FOR LOVED ONESThe problem was - and still is, until I-1000 or something like it becomes law - that my plans require a minimum amount of being able to get around, which I could lose at any time. They also require that I either ask my loved ones and care providers to break the law or, to protect them from the law's wrath, that I exclude them from the most important decision of my life and a central one in theirs.I-1000 is not for the terminally ill; for the most part, we'll find a way to carry out our own wishes. It's for everyone around us, the people who care for and love us. The current law forces us to act perhaps prematurely (while we have the capacity to personally carry out our decision), without the input of other people and in an isolated way that is either risky or unspeakably cruel to our loved ones. The people who've cared for me over the years, starting with my loving and preternaturally patient wife, deserve far better than that. They'll have a difficult enough time with my illness and passing; intentionally excluding them from my death is something no compassionate society should countenance. I-1000 is for them.DO RIGHTThe punch line to my story is that I finally did get my transplants, and they've been fabulously successful. I have chronic health problems, of course; I'm also in pain daily, take preposterous amounts of medication and I'm in the hospital with something scary once or twice a year. But I've mostly had good quality of life for the last 14 years and been a productive member of society. (Not everyone would agree with that last part.) I'm pretty stubborn about this continuing-to-live thing.However, the reason I-1000 is not only deeply personal but immediate for me is that those 14 years are many more than any of my doctors or I expected. At some point - it could be tomorrow, could be many years away, but it was supposed to happen a long time ago - one or both of my nonnative organs will start to fail. Then, I'll be right back where I was in 1991, only a couple of decades older and frailer. At some point I could easily reach the position where things are both intolerable and clearly have no hope of getting better.By then, I hope I-1000 will be law, so that I won't be asked to put my loved ones and friends through a living hell so I can die on my own terms. Do right by my loved ones and those of others like me. The fate of those loved ones is up to you, as voters, in November. My decision - as to what I'll choose to do with my failing body - is not.Community activist and columnist Geov Parrish can be reached at needitor@nwlink.com.[[In-content Ad]]
