We all have them: those little secrets, things from our past that we can’t let go of, no matter how many years go by. Wrongdoings that we couldn’t fight because we were too scared, or too young, or too inexperienced, or too unsure of ourselves. Or because there was too much at stake.
What if you were given the chance — even years later — to right a wrong? To expose the truth? Would you do it?
M.J. McDermott did. You may know of McDermott locally as one of Q13 FOX’s meteorologists. Or if you attended St. Anne’s on Queen Anne, you may have known her as Mary Jean, who led the lively choir, which enriched church services.
Now, many will know McDermott as the woman who spoke out on behalf of students victimized by a man who abused his power and hurt a lot of people and, for the most part, got away with it.
In her book, “The Improv” (released January 2013), McDermott writes about a series of events that occurred back in her college-theater days where a teacher required his cast members to attend closed-door, guided improvisational exercises intended, he explained, to help them understand their characters more deeply and relate more intimately with their castmates. This revered teacher and director was one whom no one would dream of questioning — even when the improvs became sexual in nature and even when one student committed suicide following an improv.
“The Improv” is written as “a novel based on a true story.” Names are changed to protect victims who would rather not be exposed. But what happened is what happened, and all who were involved know the tale well. And McDermott has, at last, told the story that has haunted her for years. (And, I might add, she does a fine job in the telling.)
On not holding back when one feels the need to speak out, McDermott said, “I feel that is easier now that I’m older. I care much less what others think. And I feel like being completely honest, really digging into what might be embarrassing to admit but makes the writing truthful. In fact, it’s crucial to telling the story.”
Exposing the truth
What are we afraid of? Why is it difficult to stand up to authority or to act in the moment when we know in our hearts that something is wrong?
Stieg Larsson, author of the wildly popular “Millennium Trilogy” that begins with “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,” witnessed a gang rape when he was 15 but did not intervene. His effort to make amends and to expiate his lifelong guilt was to include in his books instances that bring to light the horror and violence that women are subjected to every day.
Time is the great healer. Some things simply fade into the background, or we find a way to be at peace. Or they lose their importance as our life moves forward and farther away from an experience. But there are those events that never die, no matter how hard you work, how much therapy, how much positive self-talk.
I imagine the first victims who came forward exposing the priesthood-abuse scandal were shaking in their shoes. Being raised Catholic meant trusting absolutely, never questioning the teachings of the Church and revering priests as all-knowing representatives of Christ on earth. To speak out against the Church felt like a betrayal and could be seen as such.
Fortunately, more came forward and joined in the truth-telling, hopefully finding some measure of relief from the pain endured for so many years.
Does telling these stories make a difference? Do they make up for what happened? Do they protect those who come after us? Or do they just make us feel better? I imagine there are as many answers to those questions as there are stories.
In McDermott’s case, friends from college contacted her after reading the book, beginning, as she said, the longest conversation on Facebook ever.
“The lid was blown off,” McDermott said. “People were talking about the things that had happened to them 30 years ago that they had never told anyone.” Several admitted privately to McDermott that her story helped them to, at last, heal.
Telling the story
This is not about revenge. Revenge is a negative, pointless response. I know plenty who would argue otherwise, but I believe revenge only serves to lower you to the level of your antagonist.
This is about telling the story. If we know something is wrong, we must speak out; if we don’t, then we are complicit in the wrong.
M.J. McDermott had a lot of courage back then. She tried to speak out and paid the price. But, now, thanks to time, experience and perspective, she is standing up for what she knew — and knows — is right.
IRENE HOPKINS, a former resident of Queen Anne, can be reached at hopkinsirene23@gmail.com.
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