"The world was my oyster, but I used the wrong fork."
— Oscar Wilde
Manners matter.
And practicing the art of conversation over a meal or learning to use the right fork, can be fun.
That’s the message selected students from Coe Elementary School have learned for the last 21 years at Bayview Manor (11 W. Aloha St.), where students are paired up with resident volunteers over lunch.
Bill Heathman, Bayview’s retired admissions director, started the program in 1991 to increase contact between Bayview residents and the young. With help from the Elliot Bay Rotarians (now the Elliott Bay Civic Foundation), Manners at the Manor was born, with six Coe students at a time visiting the retirement community on Queen Anne’s south slope.
“Parents liked it. The school liked it. Bayview liked it,” Heathman recalled.
Heathman, a meticulous record keeper, said 1,767 Coe fourth- and fifth-graders have participated in the program over the last two decades.
When the students arrive at Bayview’s lobby, Heathman gives them a little orientation talk, which includes washing their hands before lunch.
Heathman also talks about the importance of maintaining eye contact when speaking with someone, as well as the art of keeping a conversation going. Students had already been prepped for things to talk about with their resident partner (i.e., Did you have a dog or cat when you were a fifth grader?
)
“We tell the kids, there’s no free lunch,” Heathman said.
The students file into the large dining room and sit at assigned seats at a long table with their Bayview partners. And the conversations begin.
Heathman recalled, “One student didn’t know what cursive meant; her resident partner didn’t know what Skype is.”
Afterward, the students write letters to residents thanking them, followed by a reception and ceremony on Bayview’s 10th floor, in which they read their letters.
How important are manners?
Heathman tells students about a Bayview widower in his 80s who said his grandchildren on the East Coast never acknowledged the checks he sent them on Christmas and birthdays.
One Christmas, he sent the usual checks, but they were unsigned. This time, his grandchildren wrote back, telling him all about their lives, followed by, “O, by the way, you forgot to sign the checks.”
“That story impressed the kids,” Heathman said.
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