This test will look a little trickier than average. Not only are there multiple choices, but there are multiple questions. But don’t worry: One answer fits all.
Ready? Here goes!
Who of the following cares most, if at all, about the quality of life in Seattle’s neighborhoods or the safety of our streets? Who possesses the slightest bit of honesty, intellect or common sense?
A: Our local raccoon in chief, a/k/a Michael McGinn
B: The Superannuated Circus, a/k/a our City Council
C: The last pilgrims in America, a/k/a the Washington Liquor Control Board
I never thought I’d be singing the praises of two remote and unelected puritan bureaucrats, operating in a state capital not frequently cited for its brilliance. But ain’t life just full of surprises? All hail Olympia! This burst of sanity was surely quite random, but we’ll take it. Whew! Dodged that bullet!
Yep, last Wednesday, Sharon Foster and Ruthann Kurose of the WCLB saved much of this city from the tender mercies of its ethically challenged mayor and its entirely too comfortable, not to mention viciously overpaid, municipal legislature. They defeated City Hall’s proposal, no doubt hatched in a campaign contributor’s tavern over pitchers of local microbrew and tequila shooters, to keep Seattle’s bars open all night.
The local daily newspaper, which I usually appreciate, reported the blessed event under a headline almost as brainless as the politicians behind the idea: “Liquor board spurns Seattle in push for later bar hours.”
“Spurns Seattle?” All 620,000 of us? Or how about just the 500,000 of us who are over 21, all of whom want to party until dawn in a bar? Hmm ... how about Mike McGinn’s favorite 10 campaign contributors, and a couple thousand of their most insatiable liver liquidators?
To that headline writer at the Seattle Times: Most of us aren’t feeling so spurned. In fact, we are breathing a sigh of relief. And some of us wonder how it came to be that two people in Olympia were all that stood between us and a city government whose answer to drunken driving was going to be – get this – to spread it around all hours of the night.
At least that’s the reason they gave us. It wasn’t campaign loot from bar owners. Not at all. You see, too many people slam one down just before last call at 2 a.m. So let’s not have a last call. Let’s be just like the other world class cities that drink 24/7. You know: Atlantic City, Las Vegas, Memphis, and those global favorites, Birmingham and Mobile, Alabama.
Why, the Mayoral Raccoon (that infernal pest on a bicycle) claimed, we’d generate another $5 million in city tax revenues by staying open all night. Given Ringtail McGinn’s recently demonstrated (lack of) arithmetic skills, maybe next week it’ll be $40 million. Or $650,000. But, just for grins, let’s have a look at his original guess.
My reliable restaurant source tells me that to spin off $5 million in local taxes, the bars would need to generate $50 million a year in new sales. That’s $137,000 a night, which ought to cover another 14,000 drinks served after 2 a.m. But just to be conservative, let’s say 12,000. I don’t want to be accused of over-serving my statistics.
On average, taverns pour 40 percent of their alcohol on Friday and Saturday nights. More arithmetic: The mayor and the City Council wanted another 15,000 or so drinks served in the wee hours of every Saturday and Sunday morning. Most of which would be downed by only a few thousand people. Really? Ask any bartender: Half the booze is drunk by 10 percent of the customers.
Even if McGinn didn’t pull that $5 million revenue forecast out of, ah, thin air, did either he or his rubber-stamp City Council ever consider the additional costs involved? You know, the ambulances, the cops, the extra staffing in emergency rooms, the blood bank charges, the car repair bills, the extra beds in various drunk tanks, the counseling for the grieving families? Little stuff like that. Not to mention the noise, the lost sleep, the fighting, the crime, and the degradation of our quality of life.
Ever since that meteorite plopped me down in Seattle some decades back, one of my favorite whipping boys has been Washington State’s odd liquor regulations, and the tight-cheeked enforcers of the same. You see, your not-so-humble columnist is not a stranger to Mr. Barleycorn, in or out of his house. He simply believes, along with what he thinks is a large majority of this city’s electorate, that 2 a.m. is a reasonable bedtime, given the entirely predictable side effects.
In any case, Ms. Foster and Ms. Kurose of the WLCB, I call a truce on my normal jihad against your agency. It won’t last long, but let’s enjoy it while it’s here. You saved our city, and for that we thank you. In the future, we’ll need to save ourselves, and that will mean paying more attention at election time. In the meantime, thanks to the two of you, we rest a bit easier.
You can reach Magnolia Mencken at magmenck@gmail.com
[[In-content Ad]]