Things are getting really scary. Who doesn’t worry about gun violence? Who isn’t upset by the ugly tone of civil discourse? We need to move from a society of “Every man for himself” to one in which “We’re all in this together.” To do this, we must come together to create community.
President Barack Obama has said we need to engage in “soul searching” — exploring what we believe in and stand for.
How? I think we need to gather and talk together. That’s what we’re doing in what we’re calling “Community Conversation Circles” — small groups in which we talk together about how to build caring and community. In these groups, you not only learn how to build community, you also experience community at the same time.
Let’s take seriously Margaret Mead’s words: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
You only need three questions:
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When have you experienced community?
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How does our culture affect community?
• How can you build community?
These three questions can change your life and, indeed, the fate of the world.
It all comes down to these three questions because they allow us to learn three essential skills: thinking for ourselves, building social ties and taking collaborative action.
We must learn to think for ourselves or we’ll be captives of manipulative and deceptive voices. In fact, who isn’t shocked at the extremist positions on things like climate change and gun regulations. It seems like there’s no thinking at all.
We must build social ties because they are central to the well-being of people and the planet. Social ties are essential to civic life, but people are becoming more and more isolated with group participation declining.
And finally, we need to learn to act in a new way — in a participatory, collaborative way— because acting together is the heart of community, as well as democracy.
We must come together in small groups of people to talk, think and act together. Basic to a democracy is the belief in the sacredness of the individual; the importance of the flourishing of each human being; the belief that if one person does better, we all do better; the ability of individuals — not governments or corporations — to know what’s best for themselves. You experience this by talking together.
When we look at the three questions, we learn from our own lives, we bond with others as we tell our stories, we begin to understand the cultural forces that affect us, we receive support from each other to act and make a difference.
Without thinking things through, without talking and exploring with others, without supporting each other in change, we’ll go nowhere.
Getting involved
These are the conversations we need to have, so I hope you’re asking, “Where can I get involved?” We’re creating Community Conversations wherever we can. You can do it with a few of your friends, you can start a group at work or you can go to a group you belong to like a church or an environmental group. We’ll do some at the Phinney Neighborhood Center this summer.
You don’t need any training. Just talk about the three questions. You can do one gathering or start an ongoing circle.
You can generate new questions each time — the aspects of community are limitless. New issues always emerge, and you just stay with the framework: Describe your experience, explore the causes and try out some solutions. Connect, reflect and act.
Conversation, not discussion
The only problem you might have is that people often fall into old habits of discussion and debate: trying to win, trying to prove they’re right.
Too much of our public discourse is hateful and ugly. It’s almost as if people have forgotten how to talk with each other. Just remind people that we’re not trying to make decisions. We’re supporting each other in finding our own path, our own truths.
It’s a conversation, not a debate. It’s a barn-raising, not a battle. There’s no need to argue.
Just tell your story, listen closely, nod your head a lot and periodically murmur, “Good point.” You’ll learn from yourself. You’ll learn from each other.
And memorize this: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
CECILE ANDREWS is the author of the recently released “Living Room Revolution: A Handbook for Conversation, Community and the Common Good.” She can be reached at cecile@cecileandrews.com.