Despite the looks of the photo inside this column I do try to stay youthful.
No hair weaves, no sports car, no girdle or chin tucks - rather, daily exercise, an attempt to control drinking and smoking, and dating a few younger girls as a change of pace from my own age group.
That's why it hurts to write this column. There's no way I'm NOT going to sound to at least some of my younger readers like an old fuddy-duddy. But you guys have, it seems to me, sold your souls to corporate devils.
For example: branding.
I have a nice Levi jacket I bought from Old Navy. But the only place the jacket lets on that Old Navy sold it is inside. Why in God's name do people parade around in sweatshirts giving free advertisement to a national brand-name company that has absolutely nothing to do with the high seas?
And it's not just Old Navy. I play golf with a bunch of hackers who offer free advertising to Nike, Taylor Made and Mizuno. I have a nice old-leather (as in real leather) bag a friend found for me at a yard sale down south. The bag might be 10 years old; it might be 30 years old. But it looks good, smells good and says nothing about where it was made.
Branding has gotten so bad that there are condos with billboards on their sides showing yuppie clucks laughing.
The guys in these billboard-size "lifestyle" ads are usually wearing cheap-looking suits and sport coats; the chicks are always showing a little boob and a lot of leg. The last thing I want to see coming home tired from work is a life-sized ad of two phony-looking folks having a "great" time.
Which brings us to cell phones.
You people are all always on the damn things, and you are never saying anything interesting.
"Hi, I'm on the bus. We just passed the Bon. I mean Macy's. I'll see you in six minutes."
Then you have to text message some other phonetic speller you just saw at work: "Hi, I'm on the bus. We just passed the Bon. I mean Macy's. See ya tomorrow."
I used to think television was a pernicious influence on American culture. That was before the Internet. No matter how much Bill Gates gives to charity, he's going to have a lot to answer for in the next world. How about six jillion porn sites, YouTube and MySpace for starters.
Finally, because you guys are all so plugged in - without, it seems to me, questioning what it is you're plugged into - and because you consider (and call) yourselves a consumer, not a citizen, companies are taking liberties they didn't take even 15 years ago.
It's bad enough when some yo calls you up asking what television program you're watching for some bogus survey or another. But even worse are the yos who call you up with taped messages.
For example, who is Sam DiBellow?
Sam sounds nice enough, but I don't like the sound of his voice on my answering machine every month, inviting me to some alleged educational forum where I can learn to buy, for example, a condo.
Sam is probably a lip reader, so I'll write it in caps:
I AM NOT BUYING ANYYTHING. I AM A RENTER NOW. AND IF BY SOME FREAK OF NATURE I EVER DO DECIDE TO BUY, I'M GOING TO ASK THE SELLERS IF THEY KNOW SAM. IF THEY ANSWER IN THE AFFIRMATIVE, I WON'T BUY FROM THEM.
Quit leaving pre-recorded messages, Sam.
[[In-content Ad]]
