Studies, and when I say "studies" I mean my random observations, have shown that the teenage brain's ability to make good decisions is hampered because it's not fully developed and the area of teenage girls' gray matter responsible for such tasks won't be up to snuff until around the age of, oh, 26. With males, the age has yet to be determined.
As with most impressive articles touting scientific findings, I will now back up my statements with two anecdotes showing the veracity of my in-depth study.
First story:
My son is insane. I say this with affection and love, but with the conviction borne of having known him these 15 years and 7 months.
He almost didn't make it to 15 years and 8 months.
Over Halloween he carved his pumpkin. It was a small pumpkin, a tiny one in fact. He did it quickly, and at one point was having difficulty getting the knife into the gourd, so he stuck it between his legs and took the knife down there to cut it!
"STOP THAT!! I would like to have grandchildren by you at some point in time. You plus sharp knives close to your bits and pieces reduces that prospect considerably! Are you insane??"
He mocked me for being "overprotective" as usual. This from the son who has placed his fingers into a blender, jumped from a second-story onto a trampoline and been dragged by a dirtbike about 20 feet into traffic. So yes, this was me being overprotective.
After the carving, he disappeared for a minute and then went out the sliding glass door to our back patio. We weren't paying a whole lot of attention to him, but apparently his movements need to be monitored at all times. The next thing I hear is yelling from my 10-year-old: "His pumpkin is on FIRE!!!"
He'd gone to the garage and got gasoline from the gas can, filled his pumpkin, carried it outside and lit it on fire.
Flames shot out the mouth, eyes and nose holes. In an attempt to put out the flames, he removed the top lid and blew into it. This of course caused huge flames to blow out the eyes and nose and mouth of the carved pumpkin, right at his face. This did not deter him at all and didn't do much to put out the flames, so naturally he did it again.
This time he lost all the hair on his hands. Still burning. I'm yelling at him to stop blowing on the pumpkin, so he of course does the next best thing.
He kicks it down the steps.
This spilled what was left of the gasoline onto the steps and created a lovely dance of fire across the patio. He yelled for water to put out the fire. Um, no. Pouring a lot of water on top of burning gas would have knocked it onto the lawn and perhaps set that ablaze as well.
It finally burned itself out, and now he's very proud of what he calls his Goth Pumpkin.
Second story:
You may have noticed, by the roads that have turned into rivers, that it's been raining a little bit around here lately. It's to be expected, as we live in the Pacific Northwest and we're known for our liquid sunshine. This makes for some interesting driving. Just ask my 17-year-old daughter.
Yesterday, during the worst of the downpour, my cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"Mommy? Mommy, I can't see a thing!"
Knowing that she more than likely hadn't been suddenly struck blind, I assumed she was talking about driving in the rain.
"Where are you?"
"On the freeway!! Mom, it's so bad I really can't see the road!!"
"So you thought calling me on your cellphone while you're driving was a good idea?? HANG UP NOW and go as slowly as you need to but HANG UP NOW!! Call me when you get to work."
What in the name of all that's flooded made her think that taking one hand off the wheel and dialing me was so urgent when she was unable to see out her windshield?
I rest my case on the limitations of the teenage brain and its ability to make good decisions.
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