I neither recommend nor condemn a singles lifestyle, but for the unhappily married amongst us, I never want to be seen encouraging them to become unhappily single.
That said, once in a while, I draw great pleasure from a review of the best parts of being unengaged. If nothing else, it distracts me from the complaints of my mother, the Woman-Who-Would-Be-Grandma.
NO. 5: DATES
OK, so not the first date (which can be truly dreadful) nor the last (which can be so very much worse), but I revel in those dates in the middle when you get past small talk and hear and share anecdotes that charm and delight.
This is, of course, before we share details about previous partners, drug use, outstanding warrants and the not-quite-exactly-ex.
I love the dates when you try new restaurants, learn other people's hobbies (darts were fun, golf not so much) or attend company parties for businesses you'll never work for. This is when everyone is witty and wise, and we hold in our stomachs because this one might be worth the pain of not breathing.
NO. 4: WHO WILL I BE THIS WEEK?
In the best relationships, you never feel trapped in a role or identity - this is not the norm. Granted, few of us decide on a whim to learn the art of the trapeze or take up sword making. Still, as singles, we can.
A sudden shift from being a granola-eating, acoustic-music-loving pacifist to a champagne-swilling, ermine-draped symphony attendee might throw the household into chaos at the wardrobe change, but why not?
NO. 3: NO NEED TO BE A NIGHTINGALE
Facing 40, I face increased risk of meeting someone wonderful who requires medical care. I dread it.
Illness and/or accident can happen to any otherwise-healthy specimen. I am grateful, as a spectacularly healthy single, not to have to currently deal with hospitals, prescriptions, aid cars, ad nauseam.
I am not a nurse, and Florence Nightingale complex hides nowhere in my corkscrewed subconscious.
NO. 2: NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY
A serious boyfriend last year objected to the way I sniff clothes to choose those ready for a wash. Did he object that I use odor as my standard of cleanliness, or the actual sniffing? He never specified, and I never asked.
We broke up over entirely unrelated issues, but I'm grateful I no longer need to stifle this habit.
I turn on the bedside light in the middle of the night to read.
I listen to music of questionable quality at top volume.
I don't clear my place at the dining table when I remember a call I need to make.
I can go to four different parties in one night, or none.
And I don't have to apologize for any of it.
NO. 1: NO BACK-SEAT DRIVERS
Literally, as well as figuratively, I have no one to object to the way I fold the towels or make the bed.
No one eats the last of the ice cream I've prized or leaves half a candy bar around when I decide to finally watch my diet.
If I leave my slippers out in the middle of the floor, it'll be me who trips over them half-a-dozen times.
As a dear friend pointed out, we can sleep in ugly PJs, share the bed with the pets and make our own decisions about finances, decorating and what to have for dinner (any ice cream left?)
These are a few of my favorite things.
br>Sofia lives in North Seattle and can be reached at needitor@nwlink.com.
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