I recently strolled into an area bar, looked over the gathered men and heard a voice in my head pronounce, "Losers!" In my defense, it wasn't my voice - and I was appropriately horrified. Unfortunately, a small part of my horror was at the accuracy of the harsh label.The voice belonged to a friend who often accompanies me to singles' mixers, but who disdains speed dating - which is why I'd ventured out on this cold, wet, winter evening. My friend finds speed dating attracts a conventional crowd, which is not a characteristic she desires in a mate.My desires also lean toward the unconventional, but I'd rather speed-date than sit home alone, wallowing in my unconventional lifestyle. I enjoy people of singular character, and I've always enjoyed looking beyond the superficial. I know everyone says that, but I seriously seek substance over surface.So I shored up my enthusiasm, checked my hair and strolled into the entirely masculine group that had gathered, with as much faked confidence as I could muster.It wasn't easy to go in as the first female arrival, especially as all the men stayed seated. Initiating casual or flirtatious conversation with seated people proved awkward, but I dreaded more the decision of where to sit: How close or far from which guy did I want to be?THE DATESOnce the speed dates actually started (after other women arrived) I had eight "dates" of eight minutes' duration each. Few of the male attendees would be my picks as future Calvin Klein models, and I hope none chose to ride a bicycle before the Fremont Solstice Parade. Still, after eight minutes of conversation, they all made astonishing transformations, literally before my eyes.The man most grossly overweight proved to be a great conversationalist - able to put everyone at ease. He conversed on varied topics, without monopolizing conversation, growing morose or delivering self-deprecating jokes that fell flat. His extreme joviality isn't to my taste, but his sunny nature and all-around friendly attitude - in a stress-filled situation - were enviable.Another man, with a complexion severely corrupted by acne, suffered also from a shy nature that made him difficult to approach. This is where speed dating excels. He had to converse with me for eight minutes, and in that time his education, wide experience and great sense of humor shone forth - and his appearance lost importance.I enjoyed discussing the travels of another man, bald with very plain features, whose business takes him all over the United States. Rather than hunker down in hotel rooms, he makes efforts to learn about places he visits. During a fascinating discussion, he became a fascinating companion about whom I remember details of his travels more than features of his face.LOOKING DEEPERNot all transformations were positive. Early on, I'd identified one man as promising based entirely on his pleasant looks. After a few minutes of conversation - and discovery that he originally comes from farm country - I began to liken him to cows. His pointless sentences spoken in a slow drawl reminded me of those cud-chewing bovine, and it made eight minutes feel interminable for the only time that evening.I didn't meet anyone at my first speed-dating event who won my heart, but I still recall the evening with special fondness. It proved a maxim I've always tried to follow, and swear upon now: Looks, in my opinion, not only distract but can prove entirely deceptive.Sofia lives in North Seattle. She can be reached at needitor@nwlink.com.[[In-content Ad]]
